


Sweet as Pie

by PlutoApologist



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-20 04:32:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13139127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlutoApologist/pseuds/PlutoApologist
Summary: Evan works at a bakery and finally has gotten the courage to ask Zoe out. He decides the to do it in the best possible way, meaning the way that has the least talking, by carving his name, number and a message into a pie. What starts as a message in a pie leads to awkward dates, understanding, and new friendships.





	1. Chapter 1

Evan stuck out his tongue, concentrating hard on cutting a message into the pie in front of him. He scowled as a hand on his shoulder jolted him from his task.

“What up, nerd?” Jared said loudly in Evan’s ear. 

“Jared, you know I don’t like being surprised!”

“Sorry, it’s a hard habit to break,” Jared smiled sheepishly. Evan shot him a look of disdain and Jared took his hand away from his shoulder guiltily.   
“Geez, I’ll try harder, I swear. ¬ You know what my motto is, Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind. That means that that I never break a promise with you,” Jared said earnestly. He quickly amended his statement. “Well, rarely.” Evan just gave him a relieved smile and went back to carving the message into the pie.

Jared put his apron on and milled around a bit before annoying Evan again.

“You didn’t even notice that I’m late. Whatever you’re doing must be really important.” 

“Well, you’re late all the-It’s not exactly rare that you’re late, so I wasn’t, um, exactly, surprised, you know?” Evan felt himself blushing at the thought of Zoe seeing his handiwork. Jared raised his eyebrow, a mischievous smile coming to his lips. Evan cringed, knowing he had already sealed his fate. 

“Evan Hansen, you’re blushing!” Jared gasped, his smile growing broader as he kept talking. He looked like the cat that had caught the canary. “Are you scheming to get Zoe Murphy? I never thought I’d see the day when you were scheming! I can’t blame you, she has a really nice- “

“Jared!”

“I was going to say sense of humor, you perv,” Jared retorted, crossing his arms. He broke the momentary peace, poking Evan repeatedly in the arm. “But seriously, you’re definitely up to something. Give me the deets!”

“Jared, no one says that anymore.”

“You’re trying to distract me. It’s not going to work. You forgot the fact that nearly everything I tell my parents is a lie. You can’t outsmart the master,” Jared smirked triumphantly. “Tell me!”

“Well, I know my hands would get sweaty and I would stutter and mess up everything if I tell her how I feel in person, so I, um, decided to make her a pie and carve a message with my number and name in it with a heart?” Evan stated nervously, phrasing it like a question. He wiped his hands on his jeans. His hand had started getting sweaty just thinking of asking her out. He couldn’t risk messing up her pie. 

“Dude, that is the- “Jared blandly said, unimpressed. He stopped short, thought for a moment and smiled genuinely. “That is the best idea I’ve heard you come up with.”

“Really? Because I thought she’d see it and just be weirded out, because I’m weird, right? Right, you know that. Anyway, she’d be weirded out and never some back to the store and tell everyone- “Evan frantically rushed out, his breathing starting to get faster.

“Relax, everything’s going to go fine! If I were gay I’d go for someone like you. You’re a catch,” Jared reassured, an unexplainable fear in his eyes. “God, you need to learn to relax!” he nervously joked. When his breathing didn’t get slower, he straightened nervously.

“You’re not about to have a panic attack, right? Because school didn’t prepare me for that,” Jared joked apprehensively, pocketing his phone, ready to quickly google advice. Evan looked at him quizzically and shook his head. Jared supporting him was nice, especially after years of being a ‘family friend’ but sometimes he made too much of things. Jared leaned on the countertop, able to relax again. 

“I am learning to relax, Jared. That’s why I have a therapist.”

“You’re making progress.” Evan rolled his eyes. “Seriously, in middle school you couldn’t even to talk to teachers about makeup tests, much less girls, even though you would freak because of bad grades. What a nerd,” Jared said encouragingly, patting him on the back. 

“Look, this conversation is really intriguing, but could you let me get back to working on this pie?” Jared left him alone, but was just as distracting to him. He apparently couldn’t find anything productive to do, so he started banging on the counter top with utensils, doing a poor man’s attempt of ‘Trashin’ the Camp’ from Tarzan. Evan tried to work on the pie, but eventually just turned around and sent him a piercing look. Jared just shrugged his look off.

“Do you know how annoying you are? The shop opens in half an hour. Is there no work that you can do?”

“You did everything that needs to be done! If you ever left anything for me to do I would, but no, you have to show up early and do all the prep work!”

“No, look there’s- “Evan looked around for something that needed to be done, shifting awkwardly when he realized Jared was right and there was nothing to do. 

“Well if I do it I can’t be sure that it’ll get done and if it doesn’t then-You never know what’ll happen,” Evan finished weakly. “Can you at least not anything distracting? You’ll never know what it looks like otherwise.”

“I’ll do it, but just because I’m in a good mood and Zoe deserves a nice pie. Otherwise, I wouldn’t,” Jared relented cheekily. Jared obliged, pulling his cell phone and scrolling through his phone. The only noises he made was occasionally cackling at something on his phone. Evan finished the finishing touches on the heart and put the pie in the oven just as the clock struck 9, when the shop opened. Jared reluctantly put his phone in his pocket and walked out of the kitchen to flip the sign from ‘CLOSED’ to ‘OPEN’.  
It was a slow morning. Evan was thankful that only a few people wandered by. He had taken the job to help overcome his social anxiety, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed talking to people. Evan let Jared take care of most customers, mostly focusing on making the drinks and putting the food in bags. Jared may be annoying, but he had the common sense to know how to keep his job. 

During the morning, they got the worst customers, the ones who hadn’t gotten their morning coffee or donut and were more like zombies than people. Jared could deal with the snappy customers by making sarcastic comments that went over most people’s heads or were ignored by people who had taxes and families and adult things to think about (“Yes, you are the most important customer here, even though there’s five people in line!”). Evan’s brain went into overdrive faced with their crabby attitudes. He could get through conversations with them, but they continued to plague him throughout the day. 

All that was erased the moment Zoe Murphy came into the shop. Evan started to feel light and suddenly he had to restrain a smile that would make him look insane. Whenever she smiled that smile that made her eyes crinkle, looking at something on her phone, Evan could imagine walking through the park on a Sunday afternoon hand in hand and returning to an apartment where they had two dogs and five plants. He knew it was stupid to think that when Zoe barely knew him, but he was okay with thinking like that. At least he had hope. She came in every Saturday morning without fail and got the same order: One chocolate chip muffin, one croissant, one mocha latte, and one cappuccino. Speaking of that …

“Hey, dude, you ready? Zoe’s right there,” Jared asked, flicking his eyes to Zoe walking up to the shop. Jared straightened up, not leaning lazily on the counter anymore. He rocked back on his heels, looking worriedly at Evan. He walked around to Evan’s back and started massaging his shoulders like Evan was a wrestler getting ready for a big fight. Evan shook Jared off as Zoe came in. 

“Jared, come on,” Evan hissed. Jared held his hands up in surrender and gave him a small thumbs up as he headed away from the cash register. 

“Hey, Evan,” Zoe greeted casually, smiling in way that made the shop him lose track of his surroundings for a bit. Evan took a surprised step back and cleared his throat, before he could go on. 

“You know my name?” he asked, desperately hoping his voice didn’t sound as high as it did in his head. His tapping on the counter started getting more frantic as the silence passed between his question her lack of an answer. 

“It’s on your name tag,” she laughed, pointing at his name tag. “I think we go to the same school, too.”

“Evan …” His mind focused on fantasies of Zoe looking at him when he wasn’t noticing at school. If anybody else had said they noticed him at school, he would feel like not going to school for a week, but with Zoe …

“Evan? That is your name, right?” Zoe asked, confused. Oh no, no, no. He was wasting her time. This would be the last time she came here. He’d never see her again, except in the hallways at school. He looked at her nervously, expecting to find judgement, but he only found concern in her eyes. It wasn’t a treasure hunt to find it either, like it was with Jared, it was right there. 

“Yes, it is. Evan, Zoe. Zoe, Evan,” Evan said, gesturing back and forth between him and Zoe. He was sure Jared was listening to this and was not going to let him let this down.

“You know who I am?”

“I heard of you and um, I went to a concert- jazz band concert of yours and recognized you. You had a solo. It was great, but you probably don’t want to hear because everyone must tell you all the time that you’re great. Sorry that was weird to say, but I just- jazz, it’s my thing.” It took monumental effort to lift his eyes off the counter after the long-winded rant. 

“Zoe, Evan. Evan, Zoe,” Zoe repeated, gesturing the same way Evan had, a smile tugging at her lips. “I’m glad we’re introduced,” she added, mock formally, extending a hand. Evan gulped, but wiped his hand on his apron and shook her hand. Instead of being focused on her stern expression melting into a grin, Evan was focused on his sweaty hands.

“What would you like?” 

“One chocolate chip muffin, one croissant, one mocha latte, and one cappuccino,” she said pleasantly, much more pleasantly than any other customers in the morning. God, could she be any more perfect? 

“Who-um- who is the cappuccino for? I mean- of course, you don’t have to tell me, I just make it,” Evan floundered, reaching for the croissant and chocolate chip muffin. He looked nervously toward the back, hoping that Jared was listening and ready with the pie. 

“It’s for my asshole brother- “Zoe was interrupted by her phone and scowled at it. “Speak of the devil. God, he can be so impatient. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt out conversation.” She smiled apologetically at Evan. His heart was bursting at the fact that she had paid attention to the conversation and wanted to keep talking to him. Conversation with Zoe was special. He would do anything to keep talking with Zoe. 

“It’s okay. I’m sure he’s not as much of an asshole as you think anyway,” Evan replied, packing up the croissant and chocolate chip muffin. Jared had started to make the drinks behind him. 

“Trust me, he is,” Zoe muttered, a dark look in her eyes, looking at the floor. He felt like he was stumbling onto a part of her she didn’t want people to see. She smiled brightly again when Evan gave her a worried glance. It was almost eerie how she could seem like an entirely different person. While she replied to the text, Evan went to talk to Jared. 

“Sounds like it’s going good, Evan,” Jared said distractedly, flashing him a quick smile, and going back to the drinks.

“I don’t appreciate your sarcasm now, Jared.”

“No, I’m serious. You two have some serious chemistry going on there. It’s super cute,” he said, patting Evan on the back halfheartedly, bitterness flashing in his eyes before he returned to his usual cocky self. “Now you go get that pie and do your mojo! I’ll get the drinks done.”

Evan was glad that the pie in a box and out of the oven when he found it because he doubted his ability of his shaking hands to put it away without wrecking his work. That had been thoughtful of Jared to think of him being anxious. Evan took a few deep breaths, the background noise of the radio and cars passing by fading away as he took control of his anxiety, at least for the moment. When he was aware of his surroundings again and his anxiety was just waiting backstage, not centerstage, he took the pie back to the front of the store. Jared just finished giving Zoe the drinks and giving her a receipt. He was making idle conversation, seemingly waiting for Evan to come back. He slid away as Evan reappeared, shooting him what Jared thought was an encouraging finger gun symbol. Zoe looked confused at the pie Evan set on the counter.

“I definitely didn’t order a pie. “

“I’m sorry, I never thought you might not like pie. But, you didn’t have to- I mean- You shouldn’t have to ask for it. Sorry, just you’re our best customer. You come every week, so I just wanted to show my- I mean- our appreciation” Evan rushed out, turning red as the inside the pie in front of him. 

“I mean, if you’re sure,” she said hesitantly, looking between Evan and the pie. Evan nodded frantically looking down, trying to hide his red face. The pie’s smell won out and she sniffed it, crinkling her nose adorably. “I mean it smells really good. I wouldn’t be giving this away, I would be keeping it for myself.”

She started laughing and Evan couldn’t help but laugh along. She just had that effect. Suddenly, he wasn’t laughing anymore as she started opening the box. He opened his mouth, hoping to come up with anything to stop her, but his mouth just hung open uselessly. She almost dropped her coffee when she saw what was carved on the pie. He had put ‘You’re as sweet as pie ’ and his name, a heart and phone number into the pie. She looked up, just as red as Evan. 

“This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me, even my family,” she said, brushing her hair back nervously. “You did this for me?”

“Of course! It actually took me a while to make- I’m sorry, I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, I was actually trying to make you feel good, but that didn’t really work out. Sorry.”

“You apologize a lot, you know that?” Zoe chuckled, leaning forward. Evan was acutely aware of the distance lessening between them.   
“I’m- “Evan stopped himself and drummed his fingers on the counter unevenly. He looked down, suddenly more aware of the space between their fingers. “I know. It’s just a thing I do. It’s like a quirk, if you will. I’m- yeah. “

“You want to say it again, don’t you,” she laughed lightly, as sweet as a bell.

“Very much so, yes,” Evan rushed out. His hands were getting sweaty, but all Evan could focus on was the doodle on Zoe’s hand and the fact that her hand had moved an inch closer to his.

“Well, then my answer is yes,” Zoe said, louder than was necessary. She coughed awkwardly, and said the next part quieter, still blushing madly. “My answer is yes to what you wrote on the pie. Yes, I will text you and go on a date with you. I assume that’s why you wanted my number?”  
“Yeah, you guessed correctly! Thank you for picking that up and, you know, agreeing to go out with me,” Evan said, his nervousness almost cartoon-like.

“You’re welcome,” she said echoing his cartoon-like tone. “So, I’ll text you and we’ll figure out about what and where and when, yeah?” Evan looked up confused.

“Well to have a date, we need to plan it out. That’s kind of how it works,” Zoe laid out. 

“I hadn’t really thought about that part yet. To be honest, I didn’t look beyond asking you out,” Evan said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t think you’d say yes. I mean you don’t even really know me.”

“Are you kidding me?! Seeing you when I get food for my family before therapy is the best part of the week. It makes therapy tolerable. Trust me, I need to have something to look forward to after that mess.” Zoe blinked and frowned, taken aback by her up front honesty. She smiled again, her eyes crinkling. “And carving a cute message like you did into a pie, how could you expect anything but a yes?”

“Hate to break up the love fest here, but we’re about to get a whole lot of customers and I can’t do everything by myself,” Jared interrupted, gesturing to the throng of people ogling the shop window. 

“I won’t hold you up any longer. I’ll text you later, Evan,” She walked off struggling with the pie box, bag and coffee. Jared nudged Evan, looking back and forth between Zoe and Evan.  
“Yes, I know that you heard everything and you’re going to mock me about it later, what?!” Evan hissed.

“I’m not going to mock you later, do you even- Just- Help Zoe with everything! Be her knight in shining armor!” Jared hissed back, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, yeah, right. I was planning to do that, I just had to prepare myself,” Evan lied unconvincingly. Jared just rolled his eyes and pushed Evan gently in the direction of Zoe. Evan missed the regretful look in Jared’s eyes and how he crossed his arms as Evan made his way over to help Zoe, practically tripping over his own feet. Jared’s lips twitched up unwillingly into a sad smile.

“You want some help? I know I assumed and that may have been rude, but you- “Zoe cut off his rant, handing him the coffees quickly, their hands brushing in the process. They both flinched from the contact and found the ground very interesting all of a sudden.

“Thanks. I can’t have Connor getting angry because I spilled his coffee before family counseling. It’s not going to do any good anyway, but still …”

“Counseling can be good, I mean it might not work right away, but it’ll work eventually. You probably don’t know, I go to therapy?” Evan felt like he was just word vomiting, but he kept going. It was better than the awkward silence when no one knows what to say and everyone’s judging you and- “I go and sometimes it feels like I’m getting better. Just sometimes, but that’s better than never.”

“Yeah, I guess,” She reluctantly agreed, slowing at a car with three people tensely waiting. 

“So, this fucker held us up?” Connor said bitterly. Evan recognized him, but just barely. He’d only heard things and seen him lurking outside the school smoking. He was a little afraid of him, but couldn’t help but be sympathetic for him. Evan got anxious passing by a large group of people talking, worrying that they were talking about him. Connor had to pass by people, knowing they were talking him or flat out face teasing. Zoe cut off Evan’s attempt to apologize.

“Yes, but he was being nice, nicer than you are most days,” she spat out, slamming the car door as she got in. Evan handed the coffee off to the woman in the front and scurried off. His mom wasn’t home at lot, but at least it wasn’t vitriolic when she was there, like in the Murphy’s car. 

Evan spent the rest of the day distracted, well more distracted than usual. Jared sent him to the back to ‘clean’ but Evan suspected that Jared was just tired of fixing the orders he messed up. It only made him anxious to think of him not pulling his weight and maybe somehow the manager would find out and oh god, would he be fired? Evan started wringing his hands anxiously and stopped, smiling stupidly at where his and Zoe’s hands had brushed. 

He wiped the smile off his face as Jared trudged back, sighing heavily. He heavily sunk onto the counter and starting texting with a serious look on his face. Evan frowned but didn’t say anything. He was concentrating so hard that he didn’t notice Evan walking over a moment later. Evan hated being nosy, but he felt like he had no choice. He peered over Jared’s shoulder tentatively.

“Hey, you okay, Jared?” Jared cursed as his finger instinctively hit send. He quickly made the screen go black, shoving his phone in his pocket. 

“Yeah, great. “Evan raised his eyebrows disbelievingly, but Jared simply brushed past it, wiggling his eyebrows. “Anyway, how’d it go with Zoe? You were gone for a while. I don’t remember the last time you were in a girl’s presence for that long, who’s not your mom that is.”

“Okay, obviously what you said isn’t true. We just talked for a bit. Zoe mentioned that her family was going to therapy and I mentioned that I go to therapy. Nothing big really happened.”

“Hoooly shit. It took you years to tell me you go to a therapist and you tell Zoe in your first real conversation? Way to make a guy feel special,” Jared immediately felt bad for the bitter comment. “Hey, I’m just feeling jealous. I’m happy that you trust her.”

“It just felt right at the time, I guess? She just looked like she needed hope that it was going somewhere and I found myself talking,” Evan said, his eyes widening. “Do you think she’ll never talk to me again? What if I messed everything up?” Jared made a move to comfortingly pat him on the shoulder, but just ended up withdrawing his hand awkwardly.

“You’re kind of blowing this out of proportion. Did she look at you weird after that or anything?”

“No, but- “

“Zoe Murphy’s like the second nicest person in the school beside you and you’re like an actual angel. Literally, you can do no wrong or you’ll go do something wrong and worry about it so much that you make up for it. She really won’t care,” Jared said earnestly. “She said she goes to, didn’t she? You can bond over it. That’s the definition of romance.” Jared sighed dramatically and fake swooned onto the counter.

“Right, that- yeah that makes sense,” Evan uncertainly stated, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“You’re still thinking about it aren’t you?” Evan just nodded miserably. 

“Well, would cleaning the tables distract you?” Jared asked, leaning forward and giving Evan puppy dog eyes. Evan gave Jared stink eye at his terrible transition to convincing Evan to work, but walked over to get the supplies. Jared was right that it would distract him, but he wouldn’t give Jared the pleasure of knowing that. Soon, the store was shiny and clean. Jared took advantage of the newly slippery floor to slide across the floor, insisting that the floor was asking for it. Despite that and Jared checking his phone every five minutes, the store was clean enough to leave shortly. 

They headed out, but Jared started to head toward his car checking his phone, instead of walking with Evan. Evan frowned at his retreating back, doubt starting to collect in his mind like moths to a flame. 

“We’re not doing the usual thing? Video games, Pop-tarts, everything?” Jared turned around slowly, shoving his glasses up to hide the embarrassment blooming cherry red on his cheeks. Jared’s reply was interrupted by a notification on his phone. He looked relieved to see the notification.

“I forgot to tell you I was seeing Alana afterward. She just wanted some advice on, um, college. Someone to proofread her essay.”

“Oh, that’s great that you two are getting to be better friends.” Evan tried to be excited for his friend, but a million questions were already starting to pop up in his brain, floating carelessly like bubbles. Why did Alana not want him? Had he done something to make her mad? Had he done something to make Jared mad? The minute Evan popped one bubble of doubt another kept showing. 

“I do have other friends,” Jared laughed uncomfortably, crossing his arms defensively. He did, technically. Alana. That was his only other friend. His defensive look faded into an apologetic one at the fear painted on Evan’s face. “You’re still my best friend, jeez! That didn’t come out how I wanted it to, Sorry.” Jared mumbled the last part, but Evan had stopped paying attention to anything past ‘my best friend’.

“Best friend?” Evan asked hopefully. Suddenly, the anxiety floating through his brain meant a lot less.

“Yeah, but it’s no big deal. You are and always have been, we cool?” Jared tried for nonchalance, but failing miserably, rocking back and forth on his heels and pushing his glasses up nervously. He looked too nervous for it not to be a big deal. 

“Yeah, of course! That’s really, um- thanks.” Jared didn’t reply, only rolled his eyes at Evan’s awkward politeness. “We can still hang out later though, right? Because I’ve never been on a date and now I have to plan one ….”

“You’re asking me about dates?!” Jared guffawed. When he realized Evan was serious, he stopped laughing very quickly. “Oh, well shit. I hate to tell you Evan, but, and I wouldn’t be telling you this if you weren’t my best friend, but I’ve never been on a date before.”

“But you always talk about sex and all the girls you flirted with- “

“I’m a pretty good liar,” Jared smirked, his smirk lacking in his usual cockiness. “But, I’ll help anyway. Two heads are better than one, even if one’s an idiot.” Evan could practically feel his confidence melting about the date even though he hadn’t even planned. Jared groaned lightly at Evan’s sagging posture and hit Evan lightly on the shoulder. “Oh my god, I was talking about me. You're not an idiot, at least most of the time.”

“You’re not- “Jared dismissed Evan with a wave. Evan just settled on a quick thank you. They quickly settled on meeting tomorrow and they went their separate ways.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared struggles with feelings and Alana and Jared bond.

Jared’s phone went off the moment Evan turned around the other way. 

Supreme Nerd  
I don’t know what you’d do without me. You’re lucky I’m always available when you want to talk my ear off about your crush on Evan. I have better things to do. Anything in it for me :)

Jared smirked before texting back. He knew what made Alana tick. She should think before she tried to bribe him.

The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman  
Pop-tarts?

She replied immediately. 

Supreme Nerd  
Come to my house whenever you’re free.

Despite telling him that, Alana still looked peeved when he showed up ten minutes later. She gave him a sour look before opening the door fully  
“You should at least text before you come over,” she chided, her arms crossed. 

“Thanks for the reminder, mom.”

She was distracted from replying, grabbing at the Pop-tarts Jared had pulled from his bag not even a second ago. Alana’s elation faded when she saw the label.

“You couldn’t get the s’mores flavor?!”

“I was in a hurry! I’m having a crisis,” Jared rushed, his voice muffled by his hands currently hiding his face. He had been able to forget about his gay crisis for a moment, but it was rearing its ugly head again. When he peeked out behind his hands, she wasn’t disappointed anymore. Alana sat delicately on the couch and Jared plopped next to her.

“Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough works fine. So, Evan asked Zoe out and she said yes? And you still like him?”

“What do you think?” he asked miserably. Alana looked at him inquisitively. 

“Why do you like Evan?”

“You’re just making me more miserable. Why are you doing this?” he moaned, taking a Pop-tart from her reluctantly. 

“I just think you have a lot more problems than you think and that liking Evan distracts you from those problems,” Alana said carefully. She took a small bite of a Pop-tart as Jared froze like a deer in the headlights, the Pop-tart pausing halfway to his mouth. 

“I’m fine. Why would I not be fine?”

“Whenever anyone says they’re fine they’re probably not.”

“Okay, I’ve seen the movies and I know that’s normally the case but- “Jared starting squirming under her piercing gaze. 

“-But, you have problems and I know it’s scary to face them head on, but you need- “

“Leave it,” Jared muttered, holding on tight to the couch like it was the only thing keeping him grounded.

“-to face your problems so you can get better,” Alana desperately cut him off. 

“I said to leave it,” Jared hissed. He got up stiffly, slinging his bag on his shoulder. He started to stalk off.

“If I tell you something personal, will you listen to me?” Alana tentatively asked. Jared turned around, heartbroken, and then continued forward, reaching for the doorknob.

“I could vanish into thin air and no one would notice! I will never be able to make enough of a contribution to matter to anyone!” Alana yelled, her words a monstrous beast, threatening to tear her to pieces. Jared’s hand froze inches from the doorknob. He turned around slowly, like he was moving through concrete. He took a tentative step forward. His surprisingly vulnerable look assuaged the beast that was her previously unsaid words. He sat on the edge of the couch, looking at her out of the corner of her eye.

“Does it ever get better? Do you ever feel like you matter?” 

“Sometimes, but … those few moments never make the worse moments any better.” They shared a sympathetic look. Jared sank further back still into the couch, but still on edge.

“God, I sometimes- just- do you feel like everything is better off without you? Sometimes death doesn’t seem so bad and god, that’s terrifying,” Jared said. He rushed to apologize before Alana could respond. “I’m sorry you don’t want to hear this, I’ll just leave. Thanks for trying to be my friend. It’s not you, it’s me.” Jared tried to crack a smile, but couldn’t manage one. He shook his head and got up. Alana pulled him back to the couch and reached a comforting arm hesitantly around his shoulder. He eased the tension between them reaching a reassuring arm out to her shoulder. 

“This is starting to seem more and more like a date.” He stated, sounding choked up. “I mean we’re both very gay, so obviously that wouldn’t happen, but I can't help but point out the obvious.”

“You can’t avoid talking serious issues by talking about gay you are. As the alpha gay, I forbid that,” Alana stated matter-of-factly, looking over at him worriedly.

“We really need to talk about the rankings- “

“Jared!”

“Okay, fine I’ll tell you! I just annoy people and they don’t really want me around. I want to go somewhere in life and do something, but my mind is always screaming at me so loud, reminding me that I’m inadequate. Sometimes, I’m too tired to care about anything, not even my friends. Literal two friends. How sad is that,” Jared exploded, his eyes watery. As he went on, his voice dwindled to a shadow of it’s former self. He sunk into the side of the couch. Alana looked at him with wide, kind eyes, holding her arms out for a hug. 

“We’re going to hug now,” she sighed consolingly, her voice a warm summer breeze, melting through Jared’s icy exterior. He reluctantly hugged her back, only pulling back when he started crying.

“Fuck, I’m not going to get you all gross,” He laughed through the tears. He swiped at his cheek with his shirt and sat in silence until the tears stopping carving tracks down his cheeks. She smiled obligingly, giving him his space to think. 

“I didn’t even think how you feel. That was … shitty. Are you okay?” Jared said hesitatingly, trying out the words on his tongue like they were a foreign language. 

“I literally asked you to tell me about your problems-"

"No, but you opened up to me and I just went and made it all about me-" Alana cut him off with a glare.

"-but…I’m doing better. Slowly. Occasionally, I have a good day and I’m not constantly trying to please people or running myself dry, I’m just ... being myself.” Alana smiled privately to herself. “And that’s okay.”

“Wow, I’d love to feel like that,” he laughed hollowly. Alana gave him a scorching glance.

“I said I sometimes feel like that, don’t use what I said to put yourself down.” 

“You know who else puts themselves down? Evan Hansen. The person I came here to talk about.” Jared abruptly changed the subject, popping a pop tart in his mouth. Alana couldn’t help but notice his hand shaking slightly. “The person I’m going to have to help plan a date with.”

“You agreed to help him plan his date?!”

“You didn’t see the look in his eyes! You know I can’t resist his eyes! I just get lost in them …. He was desperate for help!” He sighed, resting his head on the arm of the couch. “Besides, he doesn’t know. It’s not his fault I have a massive crush on him. He deserves a friend who stands by him. I could work on being a better friend.”

“Me, too. It’s hard to be a friend,” Alana agreed, grabbing a blanket and spreading it across both their laps. She relaxed in the contemplative mood that spread in the silence, only to be disturbed by Jared hitting her gently on the arm. The contemplative mood dissipated instantly.

“You’re a great friend, you know that?”

“I find that hard to believe,” Alana laughed, glancing up looking scared, searching his eyes for signs that he was lying. 

“Oh my god, just take the compliment! This is the only time I’ve been sappy like all week. Seriously, you should be honored to have received my one sappy comment all week,” Jared chuckled. He squirmed uncomfortably as he said it, trying to get the blanket to sit just right. 

“Thank you,” Alana muttered, still sounding unsure. She cleared her throat awkwardly, breaking the silence. “I don’t know what you can do about the date situation, but you can talk to me about it afterward. If that would help, of course, I know I’m not any use, but- “

“Actually, it would be a lot of help. I can’t very well tell my parents. They don’t even know I’m gay.”

“They don’t know,” Alana gasped, aghast.

“Shit, relax Alana. I’ll tell them eventually,” Jared casually responded, waving away her concerns as he reached for the still un-eaten Pop-tart and took an indulgent bite. 

“You don’t tell them stuff like that? What do you tell them?”

“I just lie to them. Almost everything I say to my parents is a lie.” Jared look uncomfortable for a second and then shook that look off his face, stretching out luxuriously. Alana elbowed him until he took his feet off the table, sticking his tongue out.

“I don’t know where to start with you- “

“It’s fun, stop making a big deal out of it! I once convinced my parents that I had adopted a dog without their permission.” He cackled at the memory. “Good times. Anyway, we’ve talked way too much. I hear the TV calling my name.” He picked up the remote before Alana could protest. She grumpily snatched the remote and switched from the TV stations to Netflix. 

“Hey, It's my house, I control the tv, that's the rule. We're watching Riverdale."

Jared groaned loudly.

"You have got to be kidding me. It's so straight... and dramatic," Jared griped, throwing his hands in the air.

"I know." Alana grinned deviously. "I figured we could make fun of it."

"You are a genius. Dare I say, smarter than me." Jared flashed her a cocky grin. The tense mood that had accompanied the 'serious talk' had completely evaporated. That was what Jared loved about hanging out with Alana. She was brave enough to push him out of his emotional comfort zone, but could also knew when he needed to just sit and absorb the optimistic air that constantly surrounded her. 

"Might I remind you that you are the one who got a C on a test this week?"

"The school has gotten to you, hasn't it? Smarts aren't only determined by grades. Might I remind you that I was the only CIT with key card access this Summer?"

"Don't test me, Kleinman," Alana said evenly, raising an eyebrow. "This argument could go on for hours."

"Okay, I'll relent, but just because we're making fun of straight people."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope everyone had a happy holiday no matter what you celebrate! I wasn't originally planning to post this fic at all and was just going to write it and let it sit in my computer, but I'm glad that I posted it. So, I will write the date between Evan and Zoe, but I just wanted to explore Jared and Alana a little bit too. Jared's actually my favorite, I don't know if you can tell. If anyone actually has ideas for Evan and Zoe's date, you can put them in the comments, because I haven' written their date yet.


End file.
